Happy Memorial Day … Really?

I thought I’d start by wishing everyone a “fun” or “happy” Memorial Day. It might be confusing to suggest we feel good on an American holiday for honoring those who died while serving in the U.S. military. And, we know many will still grieve, and the past remains present for them.

I’ve worked with the military, retirees, and dependents to offer rapid trauma resolution therapies for over 25 years seeing many Memorial days bring on emotional pain. What is it about memorials? The Oxford dictionary defines a memorial as something that keeps remembrance alive: a monument, or something (such as a speech or ceremony) that commemorates, or a keepsake, or memento. Sure, we visit monuments, give ceremonial speeches, and keepsakes can be both physical and mental. It’s hard for hoarders to get rid of stuff due to its meaning and sentimental value. Memorializing has to do with how the human brain makes and stores the memory of our experiences. And how it’s represented and linked to other stuff in our neuro-networks. Critical brain systems involving our emotions may confuse the memory data replay with the actual event.

Mike’s had depression for years …

Mike has been retired from the Air Force for a few decades. Still, he recently called to give a new brain-based approach called Emotional Pain Intervention (EPI®), a try. He has been treated for depression for years and his psychiatrist shared that trauma resolution therapies hold much promise for getting to the root cause. In addition, he was motivated as Memorial Day was approaching, which had always been a trigger for Mike’s feeling of increased anxiety, depression, and guilt. So he decided to book a session. He said he had experienced ‘survivor guilt’ for taking a night assignment for another coworker running a fever. That change in his schedule resulted in him being far from his sleep quarters when the bomb hit. But he felt terrible that he had allowed the soldier he wanted to help rest and have the night off to be among the causalities in hindsight. The physical wounds of a bombing are pretty straightforward and measurable, but not for the emotional wounds of those who didn’t get hurt or perish?

Mike often thinks that he had been the one who was solely responsible. While he’s got no terrorist intentions to harm, only help and care, he still blames himself for not being where he would have been that night if he wasn’t interested in helping. He often said he wished that he was the one who had died because his emotional pain was intense. You know it is normal to be affected by what happened to you. The Brain learns through experience and remembers. Long after events, we have thoughts about what we should or would have done. I’m interested in how people are still being affected (Played) by the information about events stored in the Brain. The BOTTOM Brain, as I call it- has emotional codes, instructions, programs, and survival threat responses) replay when triggers activate (and more stuff is linked, associated, and conditioned with the original brain wire and fire experience).

How do you reprocess emotional memories of true events?

How do you target the Brain for reprocessing, connecting to someone like a psychotherapist to change how the brain stores the emotional memories of events? When I see someone for guilt or heartbreak, I first give them a neuroscience perspective on the emotional problem. I explain that what they feel has to do with the emotional memory and the additional linked data, mainly automatic thinking and distorted meanings added to compound the data brain will continuously process, so the memory is still in an active file. Guilt is a replay in the Brain of the memory and thought activity of the brain focused on what one should have done more or better. No other life form feels like humans do, and thus animals aren’t guilty. The upside of guilt is that it reflects your interest in betterment and goodwill. Nobody is guilty unless they want something better for others. But the time zone for taking beneficial action to do better is gone, and thus impossible for the emotion-action systems of your Brain to complete activities. Subconscious regions of the Brain are entirely pre-programmed for survival, powerful for activating emotion after unexpected events. Brain systems are in shock and survival modes, and your whole brain benefits from a Tune-up after something like that.

This year Mike is ok with feeling at peace and guilt-free, genuinely connected to the memory of his fallen friends and not his Brain’s replay of old data. And thanks to cutting-edge therapies that use eye movements, voluntary image replacement, change in language, metaphors, and creativity, we intend to activate neuroplasticity or brain change. So, after completing a quick and painless memory replay as a brief exposure intervention, Mike would experience a transformational shift in minutes and explore being guilt-free. He was so surprised to experience something new finally. A sense of relief and access to positive sensations even when he remembered the loss of his friend. And with no guilt replay, he wasn’t numb, felt only love and gratitude. And as he imagines doing what he had done for years, visit a monument on Memorial Day. He touches it today and he is fully present in this moment. His brain isn’t trying to make him do anything about the past. He is only in a calm, peaceful remembrance of those who lost their lives that day, without the old guilt, for it can no longer snag the love, compassion, and gratitude he has for that fellow soldier.

This national holiday is a time for us to honor and remember the tremendous sacrifice of our devoted and brave military service members. It’s not a happy day if the guilt and grief come up and block the present moment’s power to love. Today we can identify and accelerate the resolution of these invisible wounds of war with new techniques that involve the whole Brain in neuroplastic healing. The Brain is one amazing organ that can change and adapt to new experiences. So that emotional responses of sadness, grief, and guilt aren’t the only connection to what happened there or then and updating memories. May your emotional remembering and reflecting on how much has been sacrificed for our freedom and democracy fill you with love and gratitude for our courageous service members.

The gift of every new day is a chance to start again …

And let us all slow down, breathe, and remember that every day is a gift and a chance to start again and do better. Life is not always easy but while we have the blessing of another day, let us not live it in vain. No warfighter would want to be a source of ongoing emotional pain to others. Let us honor our fallen service members today. Start by noticing how our thoughts can play the brain and become an ongoing source of pain or joy. Your mind works better for you after reducing guilt to zero. While life is painful at times, remember that misery is optional. Should you choose to remember someone may you find inspiration to live more courageously and compassionately through that memorial. Here’s to staying committed to reducing the mental and physical suffering we are all too familiar with today in a big way. Gratitude for those who have sacrificed so much and blessing the inspired action in others. And Memory Eternal!

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